I have to admit that I really kind of like doing the laundry. I mean, I'm not crazy about it, but there is something about doing the laundry that resonates with me, or maybe serves me, would be a better way of putting it.
Before I go on, though, we need to have an agreement. This isn't just about laundry. In order to explain my relationship with laundry, I'll need to reveal some secrets about my inner workings that are a little sensitive and embarrassing. I need to know that you have an open mind and that you won't judge me too harshly, and that you will appreciate what I go through to produce that pile (actually those four piles, but we'll get to that later) of whiter whites and brighter brights.
Do we have an agreement here?
Another thing that you need to know is that I am far from being the primary laundry/house maintenance person in our family. My wife, Heidi, can survey the disaster that our house has become by Saturday morning, and then list and prioritize what needs to be done in a nanosecond - because she was born with this instinct - and assign tasks to various family members who then struggle for the rest of the day to complete them. Or, if she so chooses, she can do it all herself in an hour. While talking on the phone.
But this story is about someone who is wired a bit differently.
The truth of the matter is that I have a touch, just a mild case, of Attention Deficit Disorder. I know that probably sounds to you like someone saying that they have a "touch" or a "mild case" of pregnancy, but don't judge me until you hear me out.
This is what my ADD is like: Let's say I'm watching the TV news and the weather report comes on. Let's say that I really want to know if it's going to rain tomorrow because I need to know if my son can ride his bike to school. So I'm watching the weather report with a purpose - my purpose is to find out if it's going to rain tomorrow right here in my hometown. I start watching the weather segment and pretty soon I become distracted by the clownish bow tie that the weatherman is wearing and his breezy off-the-cuff remarks. I start to wonder why they always put the goofy guy on the weather report - do they think that it's so boring that we have to be entertained by his antics? Now he's doing the thing with the weather map. Let me see if I understand this. He is actually standing in front of a blank, green wall and looking at a monitor. He's pointing to specific things but he can't see them unless he looks at the monitor. How does he know where to point, at the same time that he's making incredibly corny comments and lame jokes? Like for instance, he just pointed at San Francisco and there were some clouds over the sun and he said ... Damn - I just missed the part about San Rafael! Is he moving north, or south on the screen? Did he already talk about Marin? Damn again - now I just missed the 5-day forecast! Oh well, at least sports is next.
So that's what I like about it.
By the way, I just realized that I pulled a "Widget". Widget was a college friend of mine who had an annoying habit of completing a sentence that he had started a half hour before. He would suddenly start talking about something - often beginning with a pronoun so that you had no idea what he was referring to, until you racked your brain to think of which first half-sentence from earlier in the day matched up with the second half-sentence that he had just delivered. So when I say, "That's what I like about it, then of course, the word "it" refers to ... laundry!
I like it because the laundry helps me to focus a bit. You see, my house is a lot like a weather map. There are these swirls throughout the house which represent the different projects that I have started, things that I should do, time-wasting opportunities, the refrigerator, the computer, and so on. I start in one of the swirls - let's say working on this story - and pretty soon I realize that I need a cup of coffee. I head to the kitchen and, pour a cup of coffee and put it in the microwave to warm it up. While it's warming up, I have 25 seconds to kill, so I take a look in the newspaper. The sports section pulls me into its swirl for a little while and the coffee sits cooling in the microwave. Done with the paper, I put it in recycling. That reminds me of clutter in the house - got to avoid the swirl of the garage. How can I do that? Head for the coffee. I'll just pour myself a cup and put it in the microwave. Oh my God, there's already a cup in there! I know - I'll just warm up both cups and then I'll really get some writing done!
Wait. Let's try it again, but this time with laundry. Okay, let's bring the laundry down to the laundry room and start of load of colored clothes. All right. Now, I've got that working so I can try to get some writing done. A little writing, a little swirl surfing. I hear that the wash is done, so I'll put it in the drying, or "put the wash in the dry" as Heidi would say. Start a load of whites. It's so efficient - the two machines working together now, even when I'm not - I've delegated some of my duties to the two of them! I visit the weather map of my house, hear the beep of the dryer and come back.
Now here's the important part. Open the ironing board and get ready to start the four piles! No ironing needed, the clothes come straight from the dryer semi wrinkle-free. The ironing board is just for piling purposes. My daughter is the youngest, so her pile is on the left, then my son's pile, my wife's pile, and then my pile on the right. Take a piece of clothing out of the dryer, shake it a bit, fold it, and put it in its pile. I'm getting something done! I have visual evidence of my progress! Just like a normal person! This is so cool!
But it gets even better - if you can believe that! You see there's even more to the system - it's sort of like an assembly line. All I have to do is start another load. The washed stuff moves to the dryer. ("Put the wash in the dry!") The dry stuff moves to the ironing board, one piece at a time. And then, one pile at a time, the clothes are delivered to their respective closets. I do not stack the four piles and take them all in one trip. I'm not a lunatic!
It's like Henry Ford's Model T assembly line. It can't be stopped! No matter how caught up I get in the swirls waiting to gobble me up, the factory keeps running. I'm getting something done and if I also happen to pay a few bills, write a sentence or two, or make a bed, that's like getting a bonus check at the factory!
Maybe I can even figure out a way to pay more attention to that too - sorry, I pulled another Widget there. Maybe I can even figure out a way to pay more attention to the weather report. Let's see, I'll cut out the weather report from the paper and paste it to the wall behind the ironing board. I just need some scissors. They're here in the drawer. It's a little messy - maybe I should straighten it out. I'll need a cup of coffee for that. I'll just microwave it for 25 seconds or so ...
