Laundry

 

 I have to admit that I really kind of like doing the laundry.  I mean, I'm not crazy about it, but there is something about doing the laundry that resonates with me, or maybe serves me, would be a better way of putting it.

    Before I go on, though, we need to have an agreement.  This isn't just about laundry.  In order to explain my relationship with laundry, I'll need to reveal some secrets about my inner workings that are a little sensitive and embarrassing. I need to know that you have an open mind and that you won't judge me too harshly, and that you will appreciate what I go through to produce that pile (actually those four piles, but we'll get to that later) of whiter whites and brighter brights.

    Do we have an agreement here?

    Another thing that you need to know is that I am far from being the primary laundry/house maintenance person in our family.  My wife, Heidi, can survey the disaster that our house has become by Saturday morning, and then list and prioritize what needs to be done in a nanosecond - because she was born with this instinct - and assign tasks to various family members who then struggle for the rest of the day to complete them.  Or, if she so chooses, she can do it all herself in an hour.  While talking on the phone.

    But this story is about someone who is wired a bit differently.

    The truth of the matter is that I have a touch, just a mild case, of Attention Deficit Disorder.  I know that probably sounds to you like someone saying that they have a "touch" or a "mild case" of pregnancy, but don't judge me until you hear me out. 

    This is what my ADD is like:  Let's say I'm watching the TV news and the weather report comes on.  Let's say that I really want to know if it's going to rain tomorrow because I need to know if my son can ride his bike to school.  So I'm watching the weather report with a purpose - my purpose is to find out if it's going to rain tomorrow right here in my hometown.  I start watching the weather segment and pretty soon I become distracted by the clownish bow tie that the weatherman is wearing and his breezy off-the-cuff remarks.  I start to wonder why they always put the goofy guy on the weather report - do they think that it's so boring that we have to be entertained by his antics?  Now he's doing the thing with the weather map.  Let me see if I understand this.  He is actually standing in front of a blank, green wall and looking at a monitor.  He's pointing to specific things but he can't see them unless he looks at the monitor.  How does he know where to point, at the same time that he's making incredibly corny comments and lame jokes?  Like for instance, he just pointed at San Francisco and there were some clouds over the sun and he said ... Damn - I just missed the part about San Rafael! Is he moving north, or south on the screen?  Did he already talk about Marin? Damn again - now I just missed the 5-day forecast!  Oh well, at least sports is next.

    So that's what I like about it.

    By the way, I just realized that I pulled a "Widget".  Widget was a college friend of mine who had an annoying habit of completing a sentence that he had started a half hour before.  He would suddenly start talking about something - often beginning with a pronoun so that you had no idea what he was referring to, until you racked your brain to think of which first half-sentence from earlier in the day matched up with the second half-sentence that he had just delivered. So when I say, "That's what I like about it, then of course, the word "it" refers to ... laundry!

    I like it because the laundry helps me to focus a bit.  You see, my house is a lot like a weather map.  There are these swirls throughout the house which represent the different projects that I have started, things that I should do, time-wasting opportunities, the refrigerator, the computer, and so on.  I start in one of the swirls - let's say working on this story - and pretty soon I realize that I need a cup of coffee.  I head to the kitchen and, pour a cup of coffee and put it in the microwave to warm it up.  While it's warming up, I have 25 seconds to kill, so I take a look in the newspaper.  The sports section pulls me into its swirl for a little while and the coffee sits cooling in the microwave.  Done with the paper, I put it in recycling.  That reminds me of clutter in the house - got to avoid the swirl of the garage.  How can I do that?  Head for the coffee.  I'll just pour myself a cup and put it in the microwave.  Oh my God, there's already a cup in there!  I know - I'll just warm up both cups and then I'll really get some writing done!

    Wait.  Let's try it again, but this time with laundry.  Okay, let's bring the laundry down to the laundry room and start of load of colored clothes.  All right.  Now, I've got that working so I can try to get some writing done.  A little writing, a little swirl surfing.  I hear that the wash is done, so I'll put it in the drying, or "put the wash in the dry" as Heidi would say.  Start a load of whites.  It's so efficient - the two machines working together now, even when I'm not - I've delegated some of my duties to the two of them!  I visit the weather map of my house, hear the beep of the dryer and come back.

    Now here's the important part.  Open the ironing board and get ready to start the four piles!  No ironing needed, the clothes come straight from the dryer semi wrinkle-free. The ironing board is just for piling purposes.  My daughter is the youngest, so her pile is on the left, then my son's pile, my wife's pile, and then my pile on the right. Take a piece of clothing out of the dryer, shake it a bit, fold it, and put it in its pile.  I'm getting something done! I have visual evidence of my progress! Just like a normal person!  This is so cool!

    But it gets even better - if you can believe that! You see there's even more to the system - it's sort of like an assembly line.  All I have to do is start another load.  The washed stuff moves to the dryer. ("Put the wash in the dry!")  The dry stuff moves to the ironing board, one piece at a time. And then, one pile at a time, the clothes are delivered to their respective closets.  I do not stack the four piles and take them all in one trip.  I'm not a lunatic!

    It's like Henry Ford's Model T assembly line.  It can't be stopped!  No matter how caught up I get in the swirls waiting to gobble me up, the factory keeps running. I'm getting something done and if I also happen to pay a few bills, write a sentence or two, or make a bed, that's like getting a bonus check at the factory!

    Maybe I can even figure out a way to pay more attention to that too - sorry, I pulled another Widget there.  Maybe I can even figure out a way to pay more attention to the weather report.  Let's see, I'll cut out the weather report from the paper and paste it to the wall behind the ironing board.  I just need some scissors.  They're here in the drawer.  It's a little messy - maybe I should straighten it out.  I'll need a cup of coffee for that.  I'll just microwave it for 25 seconds or so ...

!Aguas!

     

     We were having lunch at a birria restaurant in Guadalajara, where they serve the traditional Jalisco meat stew, along with fresh tortillas. The restaurant - more like a tent with a little kitchen on one side and tables enclosed by a cyclone fence, fronted a dusty, cracked sidewalk. Crowds of people strolled by on the way to the busy flea market across the street.  Occasionally, the young waitress would dip a container into a five gallon water bucket and toss water on the sidewalk to settle the dust and prevent it from blowing into the restaurant.

    "Aguas!", or "Water!" - that's shorthand for "Watch out, or you're going to get wet!"

     I soon learned that Aguas! was one of the most useful expressions for negotiating the sometimes hazardous daily life in Guadalajara. That's because it has been generalized to mean, "Watch out!" regardless of the hazard, water-based or other, that might be looming.  

     Before visiting Mexico, I was a little nervous about the seemingly rampant crime that we hear so much about in the US. We hear the horror stories about drug-related killings, disappearances, and kidnappings. During my visit, though, I never felt this danger. I did, however, have an overwhelming sense that, unlike the US -where there are rules and regulations, warning signs, railings, prohibitions, and safety equipment to protect the citizens - in Mexico, it was often up to the individual to watch out for himself.

     That's where it comes in handy to have a friend shouting, "Aguas!" as a warning.

     This is especially true while driving.  While the driver somehow stays in the lane despite lack of lane markings or negotiates an intersection when the traffic light is broken, the friend in the passenger seat calls out "Aguas! Aguas!" or "Dale! Dale!" to indicate whether to watch and wait or to Go, go, go right now! mixed in with the ever-so-useful "Tope! Tope!" for the ubiquitous, unmarked speed bumps.

     A pickup truck filled with  children standing in the bed bounces down the road coming perilously close the center line. "Aguas! Aguas!" Pedestrians with children in tow walk along the freeway, with no separation from traffic. "Aguas! Aguas!" A drunken man with an oily rag offers to clean our windshield at a stop sign. "Dale! Dale!" Our light is a blinking red while the cross traffic has no light at all and a full head of steam - "Aguas! Aguas! Dale! Dale!"

     Two questions occur to me, the visiting American. First, how do all of these people survive to adulthood? and secondly, "Why is no one honking?" Amid all of this chaos, inconvenience and danger, no one seems to be especially perturbed. Coming from a country where one might hear an angry horn blast for merging too slowly onto a freeway or a receive a nasty message on a windshield for partially blocking a driveway, it's striking to see the stoic attitude that the locals have when dealing with much more pressing concerns.

     I guess you learn to take care of yourself, to keep your eyes wide open, to be aware of your surroundings. But it helps to have a friend in the passenger seat, ready to deliver an Aguas! Aguas! when needed.

Mama Antonia

     Luis and I work together at our restaurant - he's a line cook and I bake bread.  He arrives about an hour after I start work and passes through the pasty department on his way to the line. Usually he's upbeat, generously sharing wise-cracks in English and Spanish as he passes by - one of his favorites is to excuse himself in badly-accented Gringo English as he squeezes by with a grin on his face, because he knows that the bakers prefer that he go around the other way.
    "Atras, atras. Con permisso. Graasias." Do I sound that bad when I try to speak Spanish?, I wonder.
    One day he arrived at work looking a little more pensive than usual - sleepy, with a serious expression.  "I had a strange dream last night," he said.
    It isn't unusual for Luis to share dreams with us, but this time it felt a little different, he seemed troubled.
     "I dreamed about my Mama Antonia - my grandmother - in Mexico.  She's 96 years old and not in good health.  In my dream, she was talking to me.  She was kind of angry and was scolding me. In the dream, she found out that I was visiting her small town but hadn't come to see her. 'You've been here for three days already, but you haven't come to visit me! Why not?'"
     A few weeks went by and Luis watched a video that his family had recorded while visiting with Mama Antonia.  Luis is the oldest of 12 children and one of three who have moved to the US.  He has been here since he was nineteen and has since learned English, married an American woman, started a family, and earned his American citizenship.  Luis was amused by the video because his grandmother asked about him but couldn't remember "What's his name" - his brother Memo who also lives in the US. He was saddened, though, to see how much she had aged - how small and wrinkled she looked.  He wondered if he would ever see her again.
     Luis hadn't been to Mexico for four years. Taking his whole family would be too expensive.  His wife, Lisa, had heard about the dream and seen his reaction to the video.  "You've got to go," she said.
     Luis knew about my love of traveling, my curiosity about his family, my efforts to learn Spanish.  He asked me if I wanted to go with him.
    I thought he was joking at first - then I wondered if it would be okay with his wife and children if I went and they didn't or if his grandmother was seriously ill and it would be awkward for me to be there. He assured me that he wasn't joking, his grandmother's health was relatively good, and then Lisa said that she was happy for Luis to have company.  So I jumped at the chance to see "the real Mexico" and spend time with his family.
    It turned out to be a trip to remember.
    On our third day in Mexico, we made the three-hour drive to Santa Maria to visit Mama Antonia (her husband had been called Papa Antonio). She was thrilled to see Luis and didn't scold him for being away for so long, although she did comment that he was larger - "healthier" - than he was the last time she saw him. Luis and his brother spent a long time patiently talking with her, sitting with her, trimming the lemon tree whose branches made a huge racket on the tin roof when the wind blew, and fetched medicine from the local pharmacy for her sore stomach. Late in the day, when it was time to leave, they said their farewells. She asked us all to return - even me - and when Luis asked about her stomach, she said that she had forgotten all about the stomach ache.
     When Luis had first told me about the dream, I laughed, thinking it was a funny story. Then, sometime during the trip, a thought came to me.  "Luis, did you take that dream seriously?  Do you think that Mama Antonia was asking you to come visit her?"
     "What do you think?" he asked.  "We're here, aren't we?"

Making a Living

     We were driving across Jalisco and I asked my friend Luis, who had grown up in nearby Guadalajara, a question.
     "This may be a stupid question, but I'm wondering - are there still people in Mexico who dress in the traditional white clothing, with a serape and a sombrero?"
     "Yes," he answered, "But not like they always show, with a lazy guy sleeping under a cactus."
     There was an edge, a defensiveness to his usually easygoing manner.  "You see how hard these people work - look at them here, trying to sell things on the street."
      And that's what we saw.  All along the road you would pass little stands where tacos were being made or fruit sold.  At a railroad crossing, a woman with a baby bundled to her chest would offer to sell you flowers as you stopped.  At one stop light in the city, a full array of products and services were offered, from window washing to bottled water and cell phone plans.
     Nowhere was this drive to eek out a living in whatever way available more evident, though, than when we were back at the home of Luis's parents in Guadalajara.
    All day and into the night you would hear a distinctive horn, a recorded jingle, or a tune from a passing car, truck, or bicycle. The residents had them memorized and knew without looking outside if it was the propane delivery truck, the ice cream man, taco vendors, or the guy who collects empty bottles. Some of the purveyors looked like organized, official businesses - the propane people would stop their truck, remove a ladder and scamper to the roof to change a tank, or wheel it through the front door and exchange the new one for the old one. Others were much more informal - the recycling man had three homemade metal cylindrical holders on the back of his motorcycle, each designed to hold one five-gallon plastic bucket, containing exactly 20 beer bottles. Once, there was a knock on the door and two young men asked if they could trim the tree in front of the house. They had just completed work on a tree next door, neatly shaping the branches into a cube and then loading the trimmings into the front basket of a three-wheeled cargo bicycle. Luis's sisters politely declined, saying that their dad would be disappointed if he couldn't do the work himself. The tree trimmers laughed and agreed that it would be best to let dad handle the job.
    That was typical of the interactions that I observed time and time again between those offering unofficial services and their potential customers. Never was there a sense of overbearing high-pressure salesmanship nor a rude rebuke from the customer. Even the persistent squeegie men at red lights could usually be dissuaded with a shaking of the head and a waggling of the fingers.
     What was unsaid, but obvious, was that these people were hustling, in the best sense of the word, were working hard to make a living in whatever way they could.
     No one sleeping under a cactus here.

The Herd Runs Wild

     "Da-le, da-le, da-le rebaño!" Jesús taught me this Chivas cheer before the game between the Chivas Goats and the visitors from Leon. "Go, go, go herd!"

      As we approached the stadium dressed in our striped Chivas jerseys we saw riot police organized at the entrance dressed with helmets, batons, bullet-proof vests and shields. There were even a few mounted policemen - it seemed like overkill, considering the  good-natured, well-behaved crowd. 

     We were frisked as we entered the stadium and then made our way to the seats in the top deck. The stadium was modern, comfortable and spotless - the owners were so health-conscious that everyone who sold food wore masks. Beer was sold right up to our exit after the game, but no one appeared to be under the influence. 

      Things might have been different on the lower deck, though, where the Chivas "barra" or fan group was singing, chanting, waving flags and pounding drums non-stop. They must have been pleased, though, that their team upset Leon, although the 1-0 match was a bit uneventful. 

      At the end of the match we were routed to the far end of the stadium in an effort to keep the Chivas fans separated from the rival fans - there had been problems in the past. 

     When we reached the end of the stadium, we found out why the police were there - this is where the rowdy Chivas barra exited the stadium. Everything was peaceful until a young couple wearing Leon jerseys wandered near the Chivas supporters. Taunts were hurled at them and someone tried to snatch a baseball cap. The police sprang into action and the peaceful crowd suddenly felt a little menacing. As I looked around, trying to see what was going on, my friends guided me away from the action, remembering the time that they had taken off their own Chivas jerseys so the women who were with them could put them on to cover up their visiting jerseys when the crowd had become belligerent. 

      Today seemed relatively tame, though, and I didn't leave Mexico feeling that attending a soccer game was risky. 

     At least that was true until I returned home and heard about the game the following week. 

     Chivas played their cross-town rival in the Tapatio classic at aging Jalisco stadium. Perhaps the security screening wasn't as thorough there and members of the Chivas barra were able to bring forbidden flares into the stadium. When dozens of them were set off, the security police intervened. The crowd of supporters attacked the outnumbered police, knocking them to the floor between rows of bleachers. Video shows young men dressed in striped Chivas jerseys repeatedly kicking and stomping on the defenseless police. Eight policemen were injured - two of them seriously - along with dozens of fans. 

     Since that game, 17 people have been arrested, Jalisco stadium has been closed indefinitely, and the Chivas barras has been banned from attending any further games. 

     Looking back on it, the game I attended was probably the last of it's kind - when fans could listen to chants and songs without imagining how a cheerful crowd could suddenly turn into an angry herd. 

Street Concert in Munich

The last weekend of Oktoberfest is crazy and a steady stream of beer-fueled attendees makes its way downtown to the pedestrian Marienplatz area afterwards. There was a classical quintet set up in front of a department store and after listening to them for several songs I made my way down the street to where this group was playing.
The local trio, called White, consisted of a guitar-player/singer, a stand-up base player and a drummer playing one of those wooden boxes that you sit on, called a cajon.
They were absolutely incredible, and had a crowd of about 75 dancing, clapping and singing along for an hour. Even though they were German, all of the announcing and singing was done in English and the - even though they were young and mostly German, seemed to know all of the words, even to the older tunes. The lead singer referred to us as "Publico" and often insisted that we join in. At one point the drummer passed out sparklers for us to light for the playing of
"Here Comes the Sun".
Behind them, inside the department store, the cleaning crew was enjoying the music as well. One guy kept driving in circles with a floor-cleaning vehicle and waving his arms over his head. A man and a woman appeared with mops, dancing as they buffed the floor. At the end if the song, we - Publico, that is - and they band advanced to the window and everyone applauded each other.
Someone in the crowd gathered everyone's spent sparklers and lay them neatly on the sidewalk. A group of police advanced during a final song, seeming to enjoy it as much as the rest of us. The front man acknowledged their presence, understanding that it was time to end the concert. Coins were dropped in the open guitar case, a few CD's were sold and everyone left with a smile.

Visiting the Ancestral Home in Germany

Yesterday, I visited the home and inn in Allendorf bei Frankenau Germany that was once owned by my great great grandfather Johann Daniel Krähling. His son, my great grandfather Conrad Krähling, emigrated to the United States in 1865, at the age of 19.
The timing of his emigration was fortunate as the American Civil War had just ended, and Germany was about to go to war with France. Luckily Conrad did not have to be involved in either of these conflicts.
Conrad arrived in Baltimore in September of 1865 and then worked for two years at a bakery in Washington DC in order to repay his uncle for his travel expenses. This must have been a tumultuous time in Washington, as it was only five months after the assassination of Abraham Lincoln. Amazingly, my father - who is still living, spent time with Conrad (his grandfather) who was a contemporary of both the brothers Grimm (who lived in the same part of Germany) and Lincoln.
In the family photo, you can see Conrad Krahling surrounded by his family at their home in Iowa. In the front row on the right (with the stylish striped knickers) is my grandfather, William August Krahling.

Creative Parking

Here's my rental car in the tight parking place at my hotel in Germany. It was my first day in years driving a car with a stick so putting in that spot was a bit of a challenge. It's actually sort of an elevator setup and when I got there, there were no spaces. A German guy driving a Smart Car arrived just after me and started fiddling with the hydraulic controls, trying to raise one if the cars, so he could park his on the platform below. I had visions of crushing someone's $80 K BMW and was all-to-eager to let him be the one to figure it out.
Fortunately for the BMW owners he couldn't get the controls to work and went upstairs to ask for help. He came back, saying that he had to exit the garage, which he accomplished with the kind of speedy U-turn that could only be managed in that space by a Smart Car and go to a different entrance where an even more bewildering car elevator could be used.
I began struggling to make a U-turn with my larger vehicle - usually remembering that I wasn't driving an automatic, when - much to my relief - someone vacated a parking space!
Twenty minutes later, with two or three exits from the car to check my clearance and extricate my suitcase from the trunk, thanking myself for having purchased the comprehensive insurance package, my car was safely and snugly parked.

The Astronomical Clock

A crowd began to gather in front of the Astronomical Clock in Prague's Old Town Square. I positioned myself in the back, just in front of a restaurant, where I would have an unobstructed view when the clock began to chime at 7:00. It turned out to be a prime eavesdropping spot as well.
A tall slim man with greying hair arrived with his blond son, about six years old, and found a spot next to me. We all stared at the clock face in anticipation, although it was very difficult to tell the time from the astronomical clock face with it's bewildering assortment of hands, numbers and symbols for the signs of the zodiac.
The small boy seemed more interested in the restaurant behind us. "Why don't we just eat at that restaurant, Dad?" he asked in American-accented English. The dad didn't reply, so every few minutes, the son would repeat the question, emphasizing the word "that" a little more each time.
The dad would only respond with a dismissive grunt.
Then the son began to ask, every minute or two, how long it would be until the clock chimed. "Five more minutes," the dad would respond in slightly British-accented English. "Four minutes." Each time his answer was a bit more curt.
"How much more time now, Dad?"
"You need only look at the clock on top!" the dad snapped, pointing to a traditional clock high above the astronomical clock which I had not noticed before. It wasn't clear whether the son could read this sort of clock any better than he could the bewildering astronomical one.
"What's it like, Dad?"
"Some figures come out and rotate," the Dad explained in a tired-sounding voice and then switched to what sounded like a Scandanavian language and delivered a livelier explanation.
"No!" the boy responded. Is that true?"
"To tell you the truth it's been so long that I can't remember very well. I just remember that it was a bit of a letdown. My advice is to expect very little so you won't be disappointed."
After hearing this enthusiastic buildup, the son returned his attention to lobbying for dining at the nearby restaurant. The clock explanation seemed to have brought on a didactic chattiness in the father, who perhaps sensed the possibility of delivering a life lesson.
"That's a nice location for a restaurant, don't you think?" They probably have a steady stream of customers, don't you think?" The son responded non-comittally.
"You see," the dad continued. "Every hour of the day, all day, all night, for the entire year, a crowd gathers just like this one. They don't really have to search for their customers, they automatically line up here at their door."
The son was silent, so the dad continued. "Do you think they would serve good food in such a restaurant?"
"Yes?" the son answered tentatively.
"Imagine two restaurants. This one, where the customers line up at the door and another one where the owners have to work very hard to entice customers to come to their restaurant. Which do you think would be more likely to have delicious food with a staff that is always trying very hard to please their customers?"
The son was saved from having to commit to one restaurant philosophy over the other by the sound of a small bell ringing repeatedly, which signaled that the clock was starting it's display.
"Look, the skeleton is pulling the rope!" the father called out in a voice a pitch higher than the voice he had been using pre-skeleton. "I forgot about that!"
The crowd oohed as they watched and filmed. The skeleton, representing death, I suppose, caused a parade of twelve apostles to appear, rotating in two different viewing spots a bit above the skeleton. Their facial expressions were only slightly more life-affirming than that of the skeleton. There were other figures whose heads swiveled in a way that seemed to be saying what we were all thinking - "What just happened here?"
Meanwhile the son beside me was largely silent. The characters stopped their movements and a grander sounding, churchbell-like bell began to chime. The crowd quieted down and began to disburse.
I heard the dad's voice one more time next to me.
"That was better than I remembered!"

Baci

I'm riding in a train compartment on a train traveling from Milan to Genoa, Italy. I just finished a late-morning snack, a kind of chocolate and hazelnut candy from Perugia called "baci", or "kisses".
Inside the wrapper of each piece of candy is little piece of waxed paper with a saying, relating to kisses, written in several different languages. Mine say, "Lovers can live on kisses and water." It doesn't explain whether it is referring to the kind of kisses made of chocolate and hazelnut or the ones composed of lips and saliva.
Our train compartment contains an interesting mix of people. There are two Russians who speak no Italian, but a little English. They have tickets which say that they don't have assigned seats so they are here until someone comes along to claim their rightful place. Although there is also a bona-fide Italian man in the compartment with us, it had fallen upon me to use my best guessing ability and limited grasp of the Italian language and train culture to explain to them why they have paid the same amount as me, but are treated as squatters here in our compartment.
For awhile we also had a cute Italian college student with us - my cute American college student daughter has been assigned to a seat in a different compartment. The Italian student had a shopping bag from a store called Stradavarius which had a symbol of a treble clef as a logo. I wondered if she had a small three million dollar 18th century violin inside but she informed me that Stradavarius is actually a clothing company. That explains the smallness of the bag.
The most interesting occupant of our compartment, who was only here for about 30 minutes, was a wild-haired Italian woman who had strong opinions about everything which she delivered in rapid-wide Italian regardless of the nationality if the individual being addressed.
Her observations included a disdain for railroad rules that required her to sit in railcar 8 when she was perfectly content with us in car 5, a dislike of restrictions in general, an apology for Silvio Berlisconi and a skepticism about his being removed from running the Italian government for good and an unrestrained (and unanticipated) enthusiasm for Americans.
"Viva l'America!" she said as she left us.
To which the American replies, "Baci per l'Italia!"

First Game

It was the summer of 1958 or 59 and my dad was taking my brother and me to our first Giant's game. I remember finishing a French twist donut at my grandmother's apartment on San Bruno Ave. and then catching the 25 Bryant bus on the corner.

      The bus fare was ten cents and you dropped your dime into a big metal hopper next to the driver. As the bus bounced along the driver would occasionally pull a handle on the hopper and you would hear this chugging, jangling sound as the fare box digested and sorted the coins. Sometimes as the bus lurched down Bryant St. the coins would noisily resort themselves without the aid of the driver.

      Soon we arrived at Seals Stadium at 16th and Bryant, across from the Hamm’s brewery. There was a giant pilsner glass atop the Hamm’s building with yellow and then white neon lights that lit up steadily from the bottom of the glass to make it appear that the glass was being forever filled and refilled with beer.

      To enter the stadium, you had to walk through a dank dungeon-like area under the grandstand and then open some swinging doors that brought you to the bottom of the stands. Instantly, your eyes were greeted by the brilliant green of a carefully manicured field like none that I had ever seen.

      My dad showed our tickets to an usher and we climbed to our seats, choosing not to rent an optional seat cushion - thousands of which we would later see being hurled into the air at the end of the game.

      The Giants were playing the Cincinnati Reds that day and Johnnie Antonelli was pitching for San Francisco. My dad told my brother and me to pay particular attention to the Giant's center fielder because he was a great player - I was so young that I hadn't yet become aware of Willie Mays.

      As the game went on I became distracted by a couple of black men sitting several rows behind us, with empty seats between them and us. They seemed like they were angry with each other and kept arguing.

     My hometown had a population of 1000, none of whom was black. I had once seen an itinerant black man in my neighborhood. In my small-town little-boy confusion, I was convinced that he was returning from the Civil War.

      I couldn't resist turning my head to watch the two men at the game. They were mad at each other, weren't they? They sounded like they were ready to fight, but they kept smiling while they were doing it. One minute one of them would be poking the other one in the chest just like my brother Jeff did to me right before he popped me one, and the next minute he was slapping the other guy on the back and they 

were both laughing.

      I turned my head all the way around to get a better look.

      "Don't look at me like that," one of the men shouted at me. "I'm gonna come down there and choke you!"

      I turned my head and aimed my eyes toward centerfield. Willie Mays made a basket catch, his hat flying off and landing on the neon grass. I didn't look back again and when the game was over, kept my eyes on the steps as we made our way to the exit, trusting luck that I wouldn't get hit by a flying seat cushion.

      I didn't look up again, except once, to catch one last look at the giant bubbling glass of beer before climbing back onto the 25 Bryant.

El Camino

We arrived at the hostel in Los Arcos in groups of two or three, registered at the desk, and prepared to spend the night before continuing the Camino de Santiago, the ancient pilgrim route across northern Spain. The host, a Spaniard in his sixties, welcomed each pilgrim in Spanish with a smile, mixed with a few words of the traveler’s own language.  He asked how our Camino, our pilgrimage, was going and offered words of support and humor.  On the desk sat a simple plate with several walnuts in their shells – the unspoken message was to help yourself, you are among friends here.

            Later, several of us sat on the porch in front of the hostel and chatted in Spanish.

            There was a Spaniard from Cadiz with a gruff look, short-cropped hair and a three-day old beard.  He had his shoes and socks off and was looking at the huge blisters on his heels that had formed after hiking a dozen miles a day for several days.  Actually, they were no longer blisters – the blisters had broken and he had tried to drain them and trim away the flesh so that they would heal, leaving him with deep open sores.  Now he was explaining that he had had a tough day of walking and was planning to return home for a week or two so that he could spend some time healing before returning to the Camino. 

A Brazilian man, about sixty years old, was talking to him in a loud voice, almost as if he had had a glass of wine or two.  He spoke Spanish slowly and loudly.  He was like the comedian, the storyteller in a bar who wanted everyone to listen to what he had to say.

            “They’re not so bad. I think you’ll be able to continue!”

            “I don’t think so.  It’s time for me to go home.”

            “No.  Not at all.  They’ll be better in no time.  You just need to rest overnight!”

            “Whatever you say.”

            “It’s really no problem,” insisted the Brazilian.

            Other people nearby were grinning, amused by the false optimism of the Brazilian.  “It’s no problem for him,” someone said. Meanwhile, the man with the blisters continued to scowl.

            Soon the Brazilian launched into another topic - extolling the virtues of a type of liquor produced only in Brazil.

            “It’s very good, very strong. Sort of like grappa, but with a stronger finish.  You must try it sometime.”

            “Sounds interesting,” said the man from Cadiz in a flat voice.

            “You know, there is something else we have in Brazil that’s better than what you will find anywhere else in the world.  You know what it is?”

            “Las brazileñas?” joked the Spaniard with the blisters, looking up and smiling for the first time.

            The Brazilian started to explain that this wasn’t what he meant, that he wasn’t referring to the beautiful women of Brazil, but his speech was lost in the good-natured laughter from the rest of the group.

            “Why are there so many Brazilians walking the Camino?”  asked a man wearing a red and black track suit.

            “It’s because we have a writer in Brazil – Paolo Coelho – who walked the Camino and then wrote several books about it.”

            “So that’s why so many of you have come?”

            “Yes, but I don’t find the Camino to be the way he described it,” added the Brazilian.  “He’s a strange writer.  It’s as if he’s writing about his dreams, nothing appears the way he has described it.”

            “It’s like the American writer, Hemingway,” said another.  “He wrote about Pamplona and now all of the Americans come there.”

            “I like Hemingway,” said the Brazilian in his usual straightforward way.  “He’s direct and clear, easy to understand.  Not like those crazy dreams of Coelho, who must have been on drugs.”

            “Yes, Hemingway was just drinking all of the time,” I said.

            “You’re American?” asked the man in the track suit, recognizing my accent.

            “Yes, I’m from California.  But I need to go home now.  I’m taking a bus to Logroño and then on to Madrid for my flight home. I don’t have time for any more walking.”

            “Too bad.  You won’t be able to walk the entire Camino.”

            “Maybe like me, you’ll come back and finish some day,” said the man with the blistered feet.

            “I hope so.”

            I stood up to leave, looked at the group as they looked back at me.  I hesitated for a moment, not quite knowing how to put my thoughts into words. “Buen Camino,” I said, wishing them luck on their pilgrimage.

            “Gracias,” they answered. “Buen Viaje – have a good journey home.”

            I hoisted my backpack, remembering how to walk in such a way that my own blisters hurt the least, and headed toward the bus.

Chinatown

The guy who works at the parking garage thinks I’m Bruce Springsteen.

“Thanks, Boss” he says when I hand him my seven bucks as I drive out of the garage.  Or maybe he thinks I’m his immediate supervisor.  He seems to believe that we have a relationship, a friendship, a connection.  Maybe he remembers me from last week?  The truth is, I need his advice. If he’s my fan, my employee, a colleague, surely he’ll help me.

I only want to pay three dollars and maybe he can tell me how. On Saturdays you can park all day if you have your ticket validated by one of the participating Chinatown merchants. Buy something for three dollars, have them stamp your ticket and parking only costs three bucks. Your total cost is six dollars instead of seven and you get a wooden backscratcher or a Chinese finger handcuff as a bonus.

How many backscratchers can one person use?  I only have one back, and it’s rarely itchy. I could use one backscratcher, though, since my daughter and her fingernails have gone away to college.

A finger handcuff is a handy thing to have, but once you’ve incapacitated your index fingers, it’s really overkill to apply additional units to the unincarcerated digits.

What are other possible three dollar purchases? Maybe the parking attendant who thinks I’m his boss could help me.

I could tell him what I’ve tried already.

The fortune cookie factory where the cookies are baked in a rotating oven where each cookie pops out of a die and a seated attendant places them on a wooden form while still pliable and jams a fortune inside before forming them into the familiar shape and allowing them to cool. The sign informs me that it will cost me 50 cents to take a photo and the supervisor further advises with an almost violent waving away gesture that (if I read his body language correctly) we don’t do any stinking parking validation here that’ll be three bucks for the cookies though.

The sketchy and not-so-clean Vietnamese restaurant with the oh-so-scrumptious Bon Me sandwiches – as long as you avoid the infernally hot peppers – that at $3.50 seemed the best solution and which was on the list of validating merchants but unfortunately the almost-nice but also strict and scary waitress had never heard about.

The bakery with the almond cookies that are sometimes given to you at Chinese restaurants along with fortune cookies, these being bigger ones, costing exactly three dollars with validation but filled with Crisco, not very tasty, but despite this forcing me to consume all of them despite my self-disappointment, before I arrived home.

Or the bakery with Dim Sum pastries and these fluffy pork buns that are my favorite with the tasty barbecued pork center, like the sweet filling of a Twinkie, buried in a white flour and sugar fluff which I also devoured, this time before even returning to my fan/employee/friend at the parking garage.

What should I do? I might ask him.

Buy something mundane each week, like a half-dozen apples?

Bring a soiled dress shirt to the cleaners and pick up last week’s clean one?

Purchase a Mao hat and present it to a different friend or relative each week?

Go to an herb shop, tell them what’s ailing me and have them select the items to brew in a tea that will cure me until next week?

Or buy a weekly backscratcher and, after keeping one for myself, give one away each week to the first homeless person I encounter.

This is what I would do, Boss.  One of two things – but whichever one you choose tells a lot about you. I’d either take the easy way out and pay the seven bucks. Or I’d make a game out of it each week.  Let the item find you – it’s out there waiting for you.  What kinda guy are you, Boss?

That’ll be three bucks.

One more bit of advice. Take that thing off your fingers before you try to drive home.

Boss.

Just a Smidge

A story of miscommunication, wine glasses, and international intrigue

            It’s kind of ridiculous, really, to get that worked up about the size and shape of a wine glass.  I’m not talking about my brother-in-law, who leaves a set of special huge bowl-like stemmed wine glasses at our restaurant so that he can adequately enjoy the hearty taste-like-the-soil-they-were-grown-in super Tuscan reds that he favors. He maintains that it’s necessary to swirl the wine and then burrow into the glass with your nose and inhale deeply.  Then you loudly slurp the wine into your mouth and siphon it through your teeth, swishing it round your mouth before allowing yourself to swallow. Then he smiles while he describes the licorice and leather while you marvel at how quickly his teeth became temporarily stained.

No, I’m talking about how worked up I get about my own preference in wine glass. I prefer drinking wine out of a glass without a stem – what some people might call a tumbler, although that term is now sometimes used for glasses that look like stemmed goblets with the stems removed, and that isn’t at all what I’m talking about. What I like best is a glass that looks like it might have contained Smucker’s grape jelly in an earlier life. At the fanciest, I will accept the kind that’s short and tapered and fits perfectly in your hand.

In fact, that’s just what I found on a recent trip to Venice. I stopped at a little wine bar near St. Mark’s and ordered a glass of local white wine. In my just-adequate Italian, I asked the waitress to serve the wine in a small glass. She explained that they usually only serve the house wine in a tumbler and that this is called an “ombra”, but that she would serve my wine this way if that’s what I wanted.  Later I found out “ombra” means “shade” and that in the old days, the wine had to be stored in the shade at sidewalk cafes in order to keep it cool. An unpretentious neighborhood bar might serve your ombra in a tumbler, while a fancier place would serve the wine – always a small portion – in a stemmed glass.

I remembered learning that it was important to drink white wine out of a stemmed glass – and to hold it by the stem – so that the heat of your hand wouldn’t warm the wine. I like the feel of cupping the glass in the palm of my hand though, and figure that I’ll finish drinking it before it gets too warm. The little tumblers seem like something that my Italian grandmother would have used – they’re unpretentious and friendly – something you would use if a friend dropped by with a bottle of wine and you quickly grabbed a couple of glasses from the shelf.

Later in my visit to Venice, this time with my son, we stopped by another wine bar and again I ordered some white wine, requesting a pair of tumblers.  The waitress told us, without a trace of a smile, that that would not be possible, and poured the wine into stemmed wine glasses. I tried to explain to her and a nearby waiter that it was a quirky preference of mine, that I own a restaurant back home and that the waiters all know about my curious tastes in glassware. The two servers consulted and the waitress agreed to switch glasses for us, but the stern face never changed.

As we sipped our wine, my son pointed out to me that someone was talking to me. There was another waitperson on the other side of the room, preparing some food. He was staring at me and speaking directly to me, in Italian.  I couldn’t understand everything that he said, but I picked out the words “cattivo”, “vino” and “bicchiere” – bad, wine, and glass. He seemed to be scolding me, telling me that it was bad to drink wine out of inappropriate glasses.

I was a little taken aback and didn’t know how to respond. I tried to explain in a playful, joking manner why I was amused by drinking my wine out of a humble, ordinary glass, but I didn’t have the adequate grasp of Italian to state my case. The man’s expression and the way he spat the words at me conveyed that he was not in the mood for a lighthearted exchange of wine-drinking philosophy.

Needless to say, we finished our wine rather quickly, paid our bill and fled from the decidedly unwelcoming atmosphere.  As we walked the streets of Venice, in a kind of delayed reaction, I became angrier and angrier and more and more puzzled until my son had to tell me that I was making way too big of a thing out of a little wine glass.

As often occurs when something unsettling happens to me, I went over the event again and again in my head. I tried to figure out what had happened and worked out different scenarios of how I might have responded. First I had to consider why the bar employee might have become so incensed.  This is what I decided:

1.     He felt that I was not showing significant respect to the wine. I could not adequately appreciate the delicate aromas and flavors if it were not allowed to breathe properly and if it’s temperature were negatively affected by my sweaty foreign fist

2.     I was putting on airs by claiming to be a restaurant owner who knew better than the proprietors of a Venetian enoteca how best to imbibe an Italian wine

3.     I was suggesting something that was not the usual way of doing things, was contrary to the rigid standard of how food and drink is served in Italy and was not to be taken seriously, especially when accompanied by bad grammar and weak repartee

4.     The American restaurant dictum “the customer is always right” which would require an American restaurateur to allow a customer to drink his Chateau Lafit Rothchild out of a soup bowl if he so desired, was not something that was adhered to in Italy.

5.     The person who was speaking to me was simply a boorish, irritating and contemptible fool

My ruminations didn’t just stop there, though.  That wouldn’t be any fun.  After returning to the U.S. I often told friends about my adventures – which were 99 percent of a positive nature. Eventually, though, I came back to the sad story of the wine glass, because it still wasn’t resolved in my head. The more I talked about it and the more I played the scene out in my head, the more I was able to develop alternate endings to the confrontation.  Here are some of my favorites:

1.     I return my adversary’s glare and hiss, “Are you talking to me?” in a Joe Peschi accent as I vault over the bar, shattering wine glasses – all of which will soon be stemless as I make my way toward the terrified wine shop flunky, grab him by the lapels and curse at him in flawless Italian as I explain to him the concept of American-style hospitality.

2.     I invite my wine-etiquette expert to join me for a glass of wine. Using the “kill him with kindness” approach, I suggest that he convince me of the merits of using the traditional stemmed glass. We become best of friends and ever after exchange Christmas cards written in Italian.

3.     After becoming frustrated with trying to explain myself in what must sound like the conversational ability of a three-year old, I explode in a fifteen-minute English rant all roughly formulated on the concept of the wine tumbler, but really just an excuse to feel fluent once again. I circulate amongst the other patrons of the bar, speaking to no one and everyone, just enjoying the sound of my own voice until my horrified son and I are physically removed to the cobblestones outside.

So now months have gone by and I’m almost over it. I found a local restaurant that serves wine in even tinier versions of the “ombra” and call it a “smidge”. I order wine in our restaurant and the waiters serve it in my preferred vessel, with a smile. And on Christmas day my daughter gave me my own set of wine tumblers.

Did I make a big deal about a little thing? Yes, I did. Have I been obsessing about it for way too long?  For sure.  Have I been driving friends and family a little crazy with all of the telling and retelling and asking of opinions on the subject? Most definitely. Am I going to go back to Venice some day and order many glasses of wine? I’m thinking so. But now I have a new question to ask my friends.

Should I put my tumbler in my carry-on, or the checked bag?